


Blackberry and star

by Morethancupcake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bookstore Owner Castiel, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 19:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3394124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It felt like all the Christmas Mornings with John, without gifts or food. It felt like the day he had learned his dad had gone to another city to watch his other son play football. It felt like Dean's life all over again"</p><p>Valentine's day was supposed to be perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blackberry and star

"Congratulations, brother. You're not an asshole at all."

Benny had a way with words.

And yeah. Dean Winchester was truly and completely an asshole. 

 

The thing was, and he felt bad admitting it to himself, Castiel used to spoil him. Constantly. He would bring him coffee in bed, he would run him a shower so he could step in a warm cocoon. He would bring him lunch, and hide cookies carefully wrapped in his pockets. 

It had been very difficult to accept all of this. It had been hard to accept to be treated with so much care, so much love. In the past, Dean used to be the one in charge, the one who was supposed to do these little things.

But he had started to love it. And to get used to it, apparently. To think Cas just had to lavish him into gifts and attentions. 

The best part wasn't the gift, or the food. No, this, he knew. Strangers buying him drinks, men and women trying to get his interest with money, with food... People were ready to spend to be with him, he didn't care about that. No, for the first time in his life, someone was ready to make him feel special, expecting nothing in exchange. It wasn't about a quick fuck in the bathroom, it wasn't to make him stay, stay the night, stay for breakfast... Castiel jut wanted to make him smile. 

No one ever wanted to.

 

Valentines was going to be magical, he had been so sure of it. He was expecting Cas to use his magic, to sweep him off his feet as usual. Castiel was wonderful, he could always guess exactly the little gift or the word that was going to go right to Dean's heart. He loved it. He loved Cas. He loved the way Cas made him feel, so safe and happy. Loved.

He had almost run to the house, so sure his boyfriend was there, probably setting up a small party, because yeah, they had say it was a silly holiday, not a real one, but they had plans. Nothing set in stone, but they were going to be together, to spend time together.

The house had been cold, silent. No roses, no flowers at all. No chocolate, no candles. 

Dean had felt a little something in his gut. Something petty and annoyed, and he had tried to erased it, to crush it under all the anticipation and excitation. He had gone to the garage, to retrieve Cas' gift. Dean wasn't a magician, but he could listen, and he had noticed the envy in his boyfriend's eyes when Gabriel had told him about his summer vacation in Spain. The mere idea of taking a plane to another state was giving Dean anxiety, but for Cas he was ready to do it. This summer, they were going to fly to Greece. He could picture the sky, and Cas' eyes, the same blue against all the white. It was going to be perfect.

 

Castiel was late. Very late. Dean had tried to call him once, twice, only to reach voicemail. He had tried going through Alfie, only to learn there had been a small crisis with one of the storage, and Castiel had been called to help with the carts of books probably ruined by the water.

Fucking great. Cas' surprise was probably going to be ruined by this. 

He took a shower, changed into his soft pj pants, and went to the kitchen. Unfortunately, no pie was waiting for him, so he made himself a cup of coffee, and came back to the couch for some quality time with the other man of his life, the one and only Doctor Sexy.

An episode turned into five, turned into the whole season. He was starving. He was cold, and a little mad. That was so Castiel, to forget everything to run to his books, when he could've let Sammy, Gabriel, or anyone else doing it. But no, he had to do it, to take everything on his shoulders, even when Dean was here, waiting.

At eleven, he had finally accepted nothing good was going to come out of his night. He had ordered a pizza (and tried not to flinch at the look of pity the delivery guy sent him), tried to call his boyfriend, and ended his voicemail with a very angry "and happy valentine's day to you too, man."

It was almost midnight when he heard the key at the door, and his boyfriend shuffling inside. Castiel was exhausted, he could barely stand up. He needed a shower, judging from the film of dust in his hair, and he probably needed to eat something too.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." They had been together for almost a year, now, after years of friendship. They knew each other very well. Just a look to his lover's face was enough to know he was in trouble. "I'm sorry, I wanted to be home sooner, I.."

"S'fine, man. Don't worry about it. Books are safe I hope ?" Dean hated himself when he acted that way. He felt like an ass, because he knew he was making this hard on purpose, he was going for a fight, and he couldn't stop himself. He felt betrayed, in a way.

"Yes..." Castiel nodded a few times, voice too soft. "I'm really sorry, I promise we can always celebrate tomorrow if it's ok with you ?"

"Whatever, Cas. I finished the pizza, I'm sorry. Didn't know if you ate already. Should I order one for you ?" 

"I'm sorry." Dean noticed the small bag he was holding. "I bought us food on my way here, but of course, you must've been hungry..." 

"You could say that." 

The silence was deafening, only interrupted by the small sounds Castiel was making, going to the kitchen to put away what he had bought. From where he was, Dean could see a couple of sandwiches, and two boxes of what looked suspiciously like pie. Castiel dug out a poor red rose, wilted and tired, and after a second just went to put it in the trash. 

That's when he noticed the tickets, waiting for him in the counter, next to his cup. Dean had done it to be cute, earlier tonight, before the anger and resentment had burned a hole in his gut. Now he just wanted to go to bed.

"Happy Valentine's day." He saw the little jerk in Cas' shoulders and felt bad for it. Really bad. "Look, I'm sorry Cas, okay ? I'm sorry, come here." He went to the kitchen, to try to grab his boyfriend who was looking at the tickets with a bewildered look on his face. 

"You.. you said no gifts Dean. You said it was stupid."

"Yeah well... Wait." He had to stop, just to be sure. "You didn't get me anything ?" A tiny shake of the dark hair, Castiel looking more and more distressed. "Oh... okay."

"I was.. I was going to cook for you, and I thought we were going to watch a movie... I'm sorry, I guess..."

"Great. No that's great, dude." Dean tried to smile, to hide the embarassment. You could trust him to make a big deal of things. To put too much into nothing. It felt like all the Christmas Mornings with John, without gifts or food. It felt like the day he had learned his dad had gone to another city to watch his other son play football. It felt like Dean's life all over again. 

"Dean I'm so sorry. Your gift is so wonderful, and I didn't think. I'm sorry. Please forgive me ?"

"Nah, it's fine, really." He went to the fridge, and after a moment went for a soda, because he really didn't need to drink and start saying things he could regret. like how sad he felt right now. 

"Dean..." Castiel tried to reach for him, but he flinched, because he wasn't ready yet. It was silly, and this whole thing was, honestly, but he wanted to be mad, because if he wasn't mad then he would just be hurt, and he could feel tears burning his eyes. "Dean, you said you didn't care about gifts and the most important thing was to be with me...?" And that made him stop and watch Castiel. Because he could see how the blue eyes are hurt, too. He could see the hesitation, the wariness. "I didn't think... I'm sorry, Dean." It felt like it was all he could say tonight, and Dean felt bad, because Castiel shouldn't apologize so much. "I didn't think gifts were so important to you, but of course they are."

"It's fine, dude. really."

"I'll make it up to you, Dean, I promise."

"Sure, sure." It was awkward, and heavy. 

 

He is almost relieved when Castiel excuses himself and leave.

For the first time since their first date, months ago, they don't kiss, they don't hold each other. 

Dean eats the two slices of pie, apple and pecan, his favorites, and goes to bed with a heavy heart.

 

When he opens his eyes, the whole night plays in front of him, and he feels like going back to sleep to avoid everything. He can't believe he did this. He can't believe he picked a fight with Cas, his wonderful and amazing Cas, over something as stupid as Valentine's day. The first thing he does, before even moving from the bed, is to grab his phone and call his boyfriend. Hee leaves a message. A long one. He apologizes, and begs for forgiveness. He swears all he needs is Cas, and he promises he's the one who will make it up to them. It cuts when he tells Castiel he can't believe he drove all the way to be with him, and he pushed him away. He sends a text, because Cas needs to know he loves him. He does.

He goes for a run, and instead of taking his usual path, he goes to Bobby, running through the forest and the little dirt roads he used to play on with Sammy next to him. Bobby is there, like every morning, drinking his coffee on the porch. Dean stops for a second, he stops and thinks about John, and how losing him had been devastating. He's not sure he'll survive if Bobby disappears one day. He watches the man from afar, that man who is his dad now, who had been for quite a while, and he makes a bargain with God, like he used to do when he was a kid. Like he still does now, sometimes. Often. Protect him, protect him, and I swear I'll be good. I won't touch a drop if it means keeping Bobby like this, please.

"You going to come and say hello, son, or you're just admiring the view ?" He smiles a go for a hug, crouching to let the older man wrap him into a bear hug, careful of the coffe mug and the chair. "What are you doing here so early, now ?"

"I could alway leave, you know ?"

"Shuddup and grab some coffee. Tell me what's wrong."

He sits on the poch with his coffee, and he talks. 

Bobby says nothing, except a huff here and there he's silent. When it's over, when Dean emptied his heart here, he looks at Dean with something like pain in his eyes. Something Dean isn't exactly sure he needs to see.

"You know that boy is crazy about you ?"

"Yeah. Yeah I know. Me too."

"So why are you being stupid, son. You know he isn't John." Dean wants to protest but Bobby has this look, this look that means Dean is back to being ten and crying in the kitchen. "Castiel is a good man, he loves you and you love him."

"Yeah."

"So you stop finding reasons to push him away. You go there and you apologize. You show him you care and you're sorry, you hear me ?"

"Yeah, Bobby." He can feel his chin shake and big tears running down his face, so he fixes his gaze to his dirty shoes, to the wooden steps and the grass. 

"Your boy will always be there, unless you keep acting like an asshole."

"Yeah."

They drink in silence, and Dean hears the soft sound of the chair, and then he's being held close, his face burried in Bobby's shirt, smelling like the old man's stupid soap, coffee and childhood. 

 

Benny calls him during his walk home, and tells him to swing by to the coffee shop. Dean feels a little better, it's always good to see Benny. He tells him a little about Castiel, and he nods the entire lecture his friend is giving him.

"I know, man. I know, I screwed up."

They go back to his place, and Benny takes a look at the grill in the garden, while Dean tries to call Cas again. And then he sees it. The huge box on the couch. For a minute he thinks this is it, it must be his stuff from Cas, because he had enough, and he's done. But then he opens it, with trembling fingers.

John's vinyls collection, neatly ordered, all clean and not smelling like the storage anymore. They've been ordered, not by years or categories, but by the years Dean had discovered each and every one of them. Because only Castiel could listen and take notes on details like this. Inside the box, he finds a gift certificate from that fancy shop in town, claming he's now the happy owner of a very nice sound system he had been eyeing for months. He had told Cas about it, how happy he would be to just relax home and listen to the old songs, to remember the good times and forget the bad ones. Castiel had smiled and kissed him, soft and sweet. They had made love listening to a stupid spotify playlist, the rain heavy on the roof, and it had been perfect.

"Congratulations, brother. You're not an asshole at all."

Yeah, Benny was right. He was.

 

As easy as it would've been to just drive to Cas' place, Dean takes time to think. He remembers meeting Cas, years ago, and thinking this guy would probably be one of his best friends. He remembers holding Cas' hands at his father's funeral, feeling grounded and safe, knowing Castiel was holding Sam's hand too. He remembers sleeping next to him in that shitty tent he bought for their summer trip, listening to another man's breath and being in love with the way their skin sometimes would touch. He remembers their whole summer, the sunburns and blisters, the endless starbucks refills and eating the grapes Cas would pop into his mouth when he was driving. He remembers kissing Cas for the first time.

He drags Benny with him to the supermarket, and he leaves a bag filled with seedless grapes, a new coffee mug and honey chaptsicks in front of Cas' door.

Castiel sends him a text when he's getting ready to sleep. "I love you too."

 

He knows he is forgiven, he knows Castiel knows about John, and Dean's insecurities. He knows all of it, but Dean needs to do more. He needs to make Cas believe it wasn't about gifts, not at all. 

He begs Sammy not to make fun of him, and they drive to the farmer's market on monday morning. His little brother holds it for a total of ten minutes before playing doctor Phil. He tells Dean things that makes him moan out loud at how cheesy it is, he says things like "accepting the love you think you deserve", like trust, and love, and commitment. Dean wishes he could jump out of the car, but then Sammy takes another turn, and he cooes at Dean and how good his ideas are, how sweet he is to do this, how perfect this is going to be for Cas.

He should've know better than to bring Samantha.

He leaves a box full of different honey jars on the porch. In the little enveloppe, Cas' name is written carefully, on the paper attesting he's now Godfather of a bee hive. 

That night, when he's back from the autoshop, after too many hours lost making schedules and papers on what was supposed to be his day off, there's a lush bag on his kitchen table, and he blushes because only Cas knows about his addiction to the stuff. The idea of Castiel going and picking bath bombs shouldn't make him feel warm and happy, but it does.

He takes a picture of the tub, filled with pink and glittery water, and sends it to Cas.

He gets a picture of another tub, filled with purple water and tiny little stars.

After his bath, he texts "I wish you were here"

"I wish I was."

"Then what's stopping you ?"

 

Castiel arrives with his hair damp, a worried look on his face. Dean grabs him at the door, and kisses him slowly, taking his time. His fingers go to Cas', preventing him from picking at his nails. When Castiel is panting and holding on to him, he releases him and smiles. 

"Happy Valentine's day, babe."

They cook together, and they talk about little things. The books, now safe in Gabriel's attic. The hellish day it had been, stransferring the crates to the house, caught in the middle of a fight between Sam and Gabe. They peel apples, and Dean can't seem to stop staring at his lover's hands, the way they combine all the ingredients, the little flour they leave in Castiel's eyebrows and his own hair. 

They make some kind of fancy puff pastry filled with vegetables, because the blue eyes shine with happiness when smelling the stuff, and he promises Dean a big juicy steak for dinner tomorrow. After a kiss or two, he even says yes to cheesy potato casserole.

They make love on the kitchen floor, because suddenly Dean doesn't see why he has to wait, because Cas is here, Cas is smiling at something he's saying, and really, why should he wait.

They manage not to burn dinner, and it's a miracle.

After the food, the mess of flour and olive oil on their skin and the pie, they listen to one of these hipster songs only Cas can know about, and in the dark, laying on the rug and holding hands, they whisper. Dean apologizes, and tries to explain. He tries to tell Cas about Adam, about being Santa, and the Tooth Fairy, and everything for his little brother, because he didn't want Sammy to feel how he had felt. He tells him about everything, and he says he's sorry. He really is.

Castiel tells him about Michael, Anna, and his family. About how everything was about money, and power, and how suddenly it had sounded like his childhood. Not being good enough, not being rich enough, strong enough. He tells him about the bees, and how their summer was perfect, living off fast food and sleeping outside, not needing much but loving each other. He says sorry, too.

They kiss, slow and sweet, and the rest is forgotten. 

Dean will always feel like he doesn't deserve it, like it'll all go away. He'll learn to stop picking fights, he'll learn to trust.  
Castiel will always feel like he's not enough, like he has to prove to his family he' capable and strong. He'll forget to call, he'll work too hard, but he'll learn to lean on Dean.

They're not especially afraid. They know.

For now, they sleep together. Cas' hair smells like blackberry, and there's still a tiny star on his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there ! You can read it on tumblr if you want http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/111487977174/blackberry-and-star
> 
> Kudos and comments, likes and reblogs are really really appreciated !


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